Last July, an article featuring Utah native Hannah Neeleman was released by the London Times [1]. Hannah has a large social media following where she documents her days of milking cows, caring for her eight children, cooking from scratch, and an occasional ballet video. The article critiqued Hannah’s traditional lifestyle as a homemaker and mother and painted her as oppressed by her husband. When I first read the article, I felt angry on Hannah’s behalf. She was a Julliard graduate, a successful CEO of her company (Ballerina Farms), and a grown adult. Surely, she was in control of her life and capable of making her own choices. The article, however, made her out to be subject to her husband’s goals and life aspirations.
The article's subtitle said, “Is this [Hannah’s traditional lifestyle and role in beauty pageants] an empowering new model of womanhood — or a hammer blow for feminism?” I argue that Hannah’s life and reflection of feminism, and womanhood generally, is not for the public to scrutinize. If feminism is to be the equality between sexes, the extent to which we question women’s choices cannot exceed how we question men’s choices.
Stay-at-home moms and “trad wives” aren’t the only demographic of women that face unjustified criticism. JD Vance recently went viral saying that Democratic Politicians are, "a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too." While Vance was referring specifically to politicians, his comment reflects the traditionally held idea that women are made for childbearing and cannot be fulfilled without motherhood. The United States has had seven presidents, including the revered George Washington, who didn’t have children. The most recent of these Presidents was Hoover. There is no evidence that Hoover’s opponent used his childlessness as an attack while campaigning. Vance’s comment mentions Kamala Harris, thus subjecting her to criticism that male presidential nominees have not been proven to face.
Women that fall into the category of being childless or not employed outside the home are in the minority. Childless men and stay-at-home dads are minorities in their demographic as well, but don’t face the same criticism. For mothers, working outside the home is the current norm. 67.3% of married mothers and 73.2% of unmarried mothers are employed outside the home. 86% of women 40-44 (considered to be at the end of their childbearing years) are mothers. This means that most women are at one-point mothers [2], and most of them work outside the home. 80% of men are fathers by 40-44, making it slightly less likely for men to be fathers at the same age as women [3]. The percentage of stay-at-home dads are on the rise, increasing 7% since 1989 [4].
Why, then, do we shine a spotlight on the minority of women who stay-at-home or forgo motherhood? Childless men seem to be politically neutral in the media and stay-at-home dads are often painted as a win for feminism. Women are under stricter scrutiny for choices that men often can make without consequence. This is inherently anti-feminist.
Scrutinizing a minority of women for being childless or staying at home functions as a political tool, used to distract from actual problems that plague American women. The Times’ article and J.D Vance’s comment are not just anti-feminist because of their critique of these women, but also because they aren’t representative of actual issues that American women face. Most women don’t fall exclusively into the stay-at-home mom or childless career woman category. When, as a culture, we spend energy and time scrutinizing either of these female lifestyles, we fail to recognize the larger issues that impact women generally.
Increasing cost of childcare, no federal mandated maternity and paternity leave, and access to infertility treatment like IVF are real issues that many American women grapple with daily. Cost of childcare alone jumped 9% in 2023 [5], with no strong legislation to help alleviate this burden on working parents [6]. Politicians and journalists that use women’s different choices as a wedge issue distract from addressing these problems. The Tradwife v. the Girl Boss is a sexist competition in the first place that is out of touch with the American woman’s reality.
